Tommy’s Tiddler (Fishing the Divvy)

by: Paul Hunter (28th Aug 2006)

Now Little Tommy Mellor, was a canny little fellow,

Who did the things that wee lads used to do, Before the days of dvd’s. 

Tommy’s gang got bloody knees, and roamed the streets on home made bogies too.

There was Tommy’s best mate Matty, who was deadly with a catty

He could hit next doors tom cat at twenty paces

There was little Freddy Tucker, a chubby little fella

And Jimmy Bell who couldn’t tie his laces.

Noo one day Tommy sez, “Me favourite  Uncle Les, has giz a little yellow fishin net” “Lets we gan doon to the watter, cos me mams just made some batter, bring a jamjar and lets see what we can get.

Though they sat, and fished all day, the trout all stayed away and Tommy’s gang were just about to gan, when a little stickleback Stuck its heed out of a crack, and Tommy shouted “howay, gerrit man!!”

Freddy grabbed the little net, and with nee fear of gett’n wet started wadin in as far as he could go, but the little fish was gone. And up piped little Tom, “Freddy man, yer ower fat’n’ slow!”

But Fred would not be beat, and underneath his feet, Was a little fish just lying on the bottom, with a flick of Freddy’s wrist, and a little clever twist, it was in the net, and Freddy shouts “av gorrim!’

There were cheers and yells all round, as in the jam jar, swimming round, was the first fish That the gang had ever caught. That little silver sliver They had captured in the river Was a monster fish (Or so the lads all thought)

When the cheers had died away, Jimmy says “Aa knaa, howay, Well gan and show wa catch to everyone” so off the lads aal set, With their claes aal soakin wet, to the schoolyard were the girls were havin fun.

“Here, lasses, look at this, come and see wa little fish” shouted Tommy and his gang to all the girls, So the lasses gathered round, and they never made a sound, As they peared between their ribbons and their curls.

Then  Jenny says “Ah cannit see, a haven’t got me specs with me. ”Can you tak it oot the jam jar  forra a bit?” “Ah suppose it wouldn’t matter, if we took it oot the watter, But ownly for a sec or two areet.”

So Tommy took it out, but as it flapped about, he took his eye off it for just a sec, It jumped out of his grip, little Tommy let it slip, and it lay there motionless, upon the deck. Now they all just stood around, stared in silence at the ground. At the little piece of silver on the floor. Not a single word was spoken Tommy’s little heart was broken, and the little silver fish, it was no more.

Now the moral of this ditty, although it seems a pity Is never leave the house without your glasses Get back up, each time you fall, But Really, Most of all Never get your tiddler out for lasses.